Pamela Navarra laughs about my list of macho qualities of Sicilian men.
I knew I was in trouble when I heard that there was an Italian translation of my blog item about “Why Are Sicilian Guys The Most Macho Men On Earth?” circulating on the Internet. I’d hoped that wouldn’t happen until I left Sicily a month from now.
But it’s not all bad news. Pamela Navarra, whose family owns the Cerri Hotel in Golfo del Casetellammare, thinks I’m much more right than wrong about what makes many young Sicilian guys so macho.
Before relating her comments, in case you’re not up to speed, here’s the story that’s been translated into Italian:
“Why Are Sicilian Guys The Most Macho Men On Earth?”
My list of thirty (or maybe fifty) reasons that Sicilian men exude more machismo than any other group of grown men anywhere on earth is getting longer every day. In fact, at this rate there might be 100 items by the time I leave the largest island in the Mediterranean Sea on June 8. But who’s counting?
They think a sneer is a smile.
They are never the first ones to say “Ciao.”
They are real Marlboro men who completely ignore the gigantic “il fumo uccide” (smoking kills) message on cigarette packs.
They don’t talk, they pontificate.
They know that at 33 they’ll marry someone like mamma, have kids and become goodfellas.
They know that the diamond goes only in the left ear.
They’ve got a different intimidating wink for every conceivable circumstance.
They wear black, and only black, unless they go cycling.
They snidely snicker when they learn that an American is attempting to walk around their island.
They don’t even slightly snicker when they learn that an American is compiling a list of why Sicilian guys are the most macho men on earth.
They know that they never have to say they’re sorry.
They love the songs that they think Carly (“You’re So Vain”) Simon and Shania (“That Don’t Impress Me Much”) Twain sing about them.
They know “The Godfather” is ALL about them.
They respond to every question, even one about the weather, with “Why d’ya wanna know?”
They look like they’re chewing gum even when they aren’t.
Their right hand seems to be glued to their crotch.
They consider it against the law to smile at a foreign male.
Their left hand seems to be glued to their crotch.
They consider it against the law not to smile at a foreign female.
They’re not at all embarrassed, like many Roman men seem to be, to still be living with their mothers at thirty.
They all claim to have absurdly high testosterone levels.
They all wear the same annoying brand of very dark sunglasses.
They look like they belong to a tribe of James Dean wannabes.
They won’t drive a car at anything less than its maximum speed.
They always win, against me anyway, at chicken on the narrow roads.
They refuse to help little Asian women unload big boxes off trains.”
So what’s Pamela’s take?
“My ex-boyfriend was a Sicilian macho man to the core and you’ve nailed his personality and character. He always pontificated, never once said he was sorry, drove too fast and thought everything was about him. And he was very proud that he still lived with his mother.
But you made some mistakes. Some younger Sicilian guys have actually quit smoking and many Sicilian women also ask ‘Why d’ya wanna know?’ in response to a question. It’s not just a macho man trait.
Also, we Sicilians have always felt discriminated against by other Italians. Consequently, all of us, even macho guys, always help other people, especially little Asian women on trains. Those guys you saw were probably from Milan.”
And what will happen if this list gets in the hands of some Sicilian macho men? Will I be dead?
“Just tell them that the list applies to other young Sicilian macho men but definitely not to them,” Pamela advised. “They’re all so arrogant that I’m sure they’ll believe you!”
Pamela, 30, is now dating a 33-year-old non-macho Sicilian man.
Text and Photo: Joel Stratte-McClure
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